A Ray of Hope

In their darkest hours Gobby and Billy could at least take some solace in the messages of support that flooded in from The Regulars with regard to their desperate search:

Tattoo was the first to express his shock and horror declaring:

"This is unBEARable."

Adding,

"NOT GUILTY.

Hope they haven't been shipped out to Iraq.

They might end up being BEARHEADED."


Rick Francis was quick to add his take on the situation stating,

"Wasn't me, but I wish I'd thought of it.
I could have made a moustache out of one of them."


However, as Gobby became hysterical at the flippancy of this reaction he began to realise the gravity of the matter and took a far more constructive role in the search for suspects adding,


" I have been very concerned about the disgusting act that has occurred. I have been thinking really hard about where poor Rupert could be. I am sure that I have seen him, but I can't think where.



I have been on the look out for a strange looking creature that seems out of place in his surroundings, who likes tartan trousers and to be near young children, or open fields."

Moreover, on receiving communication on the matter from one of the above it would seem that Rick's surmise could be accurate. Indeed Jordan had been correct when her suspicions were aroused only last week regarding the previously unimaginable unprovoked generosity on the part of one of their number.

Horrified, Gobby now rued the gusto with which they had consumed the tasty gift that had been proffered on reading the following:

"It is with dismay, shock and outrage that I hear of your loss. How could any of your so called friends have done anything so cruel and heartless?

So, it is with great pride I wish to offer a reward for the safe return of the two Ruperts, a Scottish steak pie!

As with all foodstuffs nowadays, ingredients must be listed:

• Bear meat 70%.
• Tartan trouser 20%
• Scarf 10%.

All offal is now removed and used in Haggis.
Haggis will also be offered as a bonus if said bears are returned within two days. (It's Great, Very very tasty!)

Hoping for a happy outcome, Hamish.XXX"

A wholly appalling tale of despicable duplicity and cruelty!

Gobby could not describe the sense of loss & betrayal after the post arrived when she realised that someone she had trusted, let into their home and possibly even considered a 'friend' could have actually been a monster capable of committing such a heinous crime:

A Town with no Cheer

Uncomfortably finding themselves between a rock and a hard place down The Local with regard to the choice on offer, Ol' Blue Eyes felt the only way to deal with this was with a song for his fellow Regulars regaling them with a beautiful rendition:


"It is lonely away from your kindred and all,
In the bushland at night when the warrigals call;
It is sad by the sea where the wild breakers boom,
Or to look on a grave and contemplate doom;
But there's nothing on earth half as lonely and drear,
As to stand in the bar of a pub without beer."


Whereas Gobby had to settle for the inevitable:

Outgoings

Stunned by Hamish's unprecedented generosity, The Regulars wondered where this unheard of loosening of the purse strings may end up.

Thailand, by the look of things:

Crisis

The Regulars steeled themselves for the winds of change to blow through The Local once more as The Management took over for an undisclosed period of time.

Stoic and supportive as ever in their approach they reasoned as to how bad things could really be in the interim.

What they had not considered, however, was the possibility, even in such a potato-shire backwater of:











NO QUIZ AND NO BEER!!!!!

Sport Billy

Whilst watching the coverage of the Olympic gymnastics, (from his bed), Billy Idle was outwardly unimpressed by the record-breaking efforts of the Chinese gymnasts, commenting that he felt this was a discipline in which he could really show the world how it was done.

Remaining unphased by the quizzical glances he received in response to this declaration he went on to explain and exemplify his stance pointing out:

• He was regularly seen on his way to the Volts
• Whilst there his performance at the bar was always noteworthy
• Surely nobody could fail to notice his rings
• And he regularly ended up giving a fine performance on the floor.

No mention of him on the horse, though.

Bet the horse was relieved.

Arson

On a short cut to for Zig & Zag's birthday, (as you can never arrive too early for over-excited pre-school fun) whilst picking her way through what passes for a council estate by Barton's rural backwater standards, Gobby was horrified by the malicious depths of depravity and wanton violence blocking her path when she was confronted by the scorched remains of:


a burnt-out wheelchair.