Effortless

For once the Regulars were unable to chide Billy Idle on his slothfulness as there was no arguing with the fact that on a particularly snowbound day he:

"Went to the gym but Jim wasn't there!"

Indeed they were almost convinced of his determination to put more effort and activity into 2010 on returning home and attempting to build a snowman in the garden instead until he admitted regrettably being,

'Snowed off.'

Specials

As the Regulars observed the waitress erase:

'Fresh Shetland Mussels'

from the specials board at the end of dining on Friday night they were somewhat perturbed to find they had rematerialised by Saturday night and could only conclude they were,


'Not as fresh as yesterday's.'

Lost for Words

Whilst it could never be possible to predict all that a new decade may bring, the Regulars could not have expected to be confronted by a revelation so soon as the midnight chimes sounded.

However, photographic evidence serves to verify the hitherto unheard of and never before witnessed in captivity ability of social Tourette's afflicted Hamish's to BITE HIS TONGUE.

High Definition

Jordan was beside herself with glee and disbelief when Tattoo woke her with the surprise news they were to go immediately to the electrical store to buy her a new High Definition TV for Christmas.

She should, however have realised there was slightly more to the initial 'definition' than met the eye as she subsequently explained to the Regulars:

"Apparently the telly's mine but the programmes are his."

Return of the Pumpkin

Lest the pumpkin preoccupation of 2009 should all too easily fall into the forgotten past Tubthumper made sure it returned to the fore with the unveiling of the now fully fermented Pumpkin Beer.





















Whilst this was distributed with the disclaimer of being a 'Unique Taste Experience' the Regulars were, nevertheless, unprepared for its true individuality, succinctly described by Billy Idle as a seldom experienced ale experience that:











"Puts hairs on your teeth."

A New Year in the Shire

Needless to say 2010 could not have got off a better start in the shire than with a magnificent display of Billy Idle's karaoke prowess, not to mention him flashing his balls.

Season's Greetings

As Ol' Blue Eyes took his seasonal sojourn north of the border his warmth and humour was sorely missed by the Regulars over the festive period.

On hearing of his timely return Jordan was delighted and wasted to time in calling in on him for a share of his glad tidings.

She did however feel the spirit of good will to all men was somewhat truncated when, on hearing her knock at the door, he appeared with a wreath.

Little did the Regulars realise, however, that they would soon prefer this spectre to the eggnog-fuelled Christmas Eve version that had incomprehensibly transformed itself into a wholly terrifying Lady Ga Ga cover act even more hideous than the genuine article.

Whiteout

The Regulars did not wish to dampen Rick Francis's optimism but, between themselves secretly believed that after a bout of rough play in the park with Zig and Zag, despite marking the territory with a stick, his chances of finding his now missing front tooth once the thaw came were so slim that even Ol' Blue Eyes wouldn't put money on it.

Monitor

Gobby was initially delighted, hoping a new leaf was finally turned, when Billy Idle strapped on his new heart monitor watch (now in the correct place, see The Heart of the Matter) and exercise was underway:

(In your dreams...)

She later realised that there may still be some way to go as she then witnessed him accidently drop said new purchase into his post-activity tub of ice-cream.

The Middle East Question

On receiving a bizarre text from Spudgirl, Gobby first ascertained that it was not a trick question then mused over,

"What can you use Israeli extra virgin olive oil in?"

She should, of course, have saved herself the effort of contemplation and passed the question immediately on to Billy Idle, fount of all knowledge who sagely responded with:










"An Israeli frying pan."