Resolute

Although not quite sure as to the precise catalyst, Gobby felt her new year resolution should be to get up and make a productive start to the day and not sit drinking tea in bed.

Fulfilment

On surviving the pre-one-day-closed-at-the-most grocery shopping frenzy, Gobby was delighted to have secured all that Billy Idle had requested or would need for a fulfilling Christmas.

Shipment

Gobby was delighted that, after much effort and some detriment to the other contents of his butty box, she had managed to ship off to work yet another piece of gift tat purchased for Billy thus removing it from the still extensive collection unfortunately still housed at home.

She also doubted any truth in the claim that her warning against purchasing such items for his recent birthday had truly reached Geo Jen and the Space Cadet too late to prevent them purchasing the following objet d'art:

In conclusion, she wondered if anyone else noticed a disturbing trend in Billy receiving gifts pertaining to his own excrement, or maybe these were simply this year's 'on trend' gifts in the Shire.

Ho Ho No

Although Gobby couldn't quite put her finger on it, there were just some subtle indications as to why, on so many levels, it might be advisable to spend Christmas week working from home rather than in the office.

Glad Tidings We (decided not to) Bring

The Regulars set out to spread some festive carol singing cheer.

But changed their minds on arriving at Hamish's abode and decided to go down the Local instead.

Mystery Shopper

Jordan and Gobby thought it would be an excellent idea to try out Barton's latest refurbished establishment on a quiet Friday afternoon.

http://www.thegeorgebarton.co.uk/


Or it would have been had Tweetie, the resident town liar whose company they had been expressly been avoiding lest they should have to endure this on an all-day beer trip that weekend, not been holding court at the bar subjecting all around to his extremely important business call to an imaginary recipient.

Luckily, Gobby felt she had, fortuitously, a perfect disguise to hand.

Hamming it up.

As an aid to guide Billy, should she ever dare to engage him in a similar pursuit again, Gobby devised a new and fun game to help him with family budgeting and to prevent him from being further raped by the supermarket giants.

To avoid any hideous confusion as on the last (probably last ever in his life) grocery shopping excursion in which she employed Billy, Gobby decided to keep the name, object and rules of the game as simple as possible (plus using the chickens as both an additional guide to size and price) entitling this:



HOW MUCH IS THE HAM???!!

And, should he still need a clue, he could always press the handy HINT button which would further assist him in avoiding any previously experienced purchasing errors by helpfully adding:




DO YOU REALLY THINK IT IS GOING TO BE 4 ****ING POUNDS!!!

40 Not Out (or dead, remarkably).

It would appear that Billy's 1970s themed birthday party had been a success.

And that some guests had made stopped at nothing when it came to authenticity:

So another night of fun and frolics and the world's most expensive ham joint for the Regulars although they never did quite get to the bottom of who had arrived bearing gifts, drink and 6 cans of dog food.

Chill

As the bitter chill advanced in the Shire, Gobby and the other allegedly female of the Regulars were underwhelmed with the heating provision in the ladies toilets down the Local.

As Gobby eloquently explained,

"When the warmest thing in there is your own piss there is a definite cause for concern."