New Friends

After a recent Beer Festival jaunt Gobby would like it noted, for the record, that she is not always the one to be blamed for making 'new friends'. (See the surprising also aptly named: New Friends)

And if anyone thinks pink bear is the new friend to which we are referring - "He's behind you!!!"

Planted

As the new growing season got into full swing Gobby was horrified to find a local gardener had blatantly stolen her tag line, almost.

A Prickly Subject

Feeling it was safe to admit her mistake, many moons after she had committed this and with it remaining unnoticed, (and in need of a further plant pot now that spring had sprung), Gobby confessed that Billy Idle's (beloved) leaving present cactus had not actually successfully made it through the harsh winter of 2010 and that what actually now languished in said pot in the conservatory was a mere fossilised effigy of a former member of the plant family cactaceae.

After allowing more than sufficient time for lamentation, protestation and castigation, and as Gobby began to tire of all of the aforementioned, she did highlight that Billy had not checked on nor noticed the demise of said cactus for two years.  Ever supportive, the Regulars suggested to Billy that, moreover, these had been 'happy years'.

To which he retorted,

"Not for the cactus!"

And when the further helpful suggestion that, in an attempt to revive the relic it could be placed in the oven as it is, 'Always warm in there' was met with,

"Not in our house."

The hitherto deferred but inevitable physical violence did ensue.

Gauntlet

On a particularly busy night down the Local, as the Regulars waited fruitlessly for a lull in the proceedings, the consensus was they would simply have to run (or in Billy Idle's case, amble) the gauntlet to the bar.

Generously, Gobby offered to set off and brave the fray.

After an act of such philanthropy she was disappointed when her question to Billy of, "What do you want when I get back?" was met with,

"A full breakfast and mutism would have been good; but I'll settle for a pint."

Debate

Whilst discussing the finer points of high-brow debate down the Local, Gobby sagely concluded,

"You know, when you realise there's no point having an argument."


To which Billy Idle, astounded, protested:




"WHAT - and you do?!"

Fallout

As Billy Idle and Gobby's harmonious relationship descended into a discordant cacophony over some point of trivia one evening down the Local, one of the more quiet and demure Regulars became visibly distressed at the thought that this may conclude in them falling out.

To which Billy caringly reassured him:


"We've fallen out now - this isn't a dress rehearsal for when we get home!"

Dictatorship

When Spudgirl complained that her workload down the potato yard was out of hand and it was like working under a dictator the Regulars had no idea how serious the situation had become:

Hair Today

As the more follicly challenged amongst the Regulars lamented their plight, Billy Idle suggested a new and revolutionary and hideously overpriced hair-restoring mousse he had seen on one of the shopping channels he really should, after multiple erroneous purchases, have learnt to avoid.


After thorough consideration and examination of his over-exposed scalp the other Regulars concluded Billy,


"Might as well stick a real moose on your head for that".



















Meanwhile, whilst conducting her on research into the issue, Gobby came across a truly terrifying site:

http://www.iseebaldpeople.com/

Saving Face

Whilst petulantly complaining about the range of terrible films Billy Idle had subjected her to in the guise of 'entertainment' as Gobby started to list them Billy shot her down with one particular citation declaring:


"And you want to get that 'face off'".

Marching In

As the new month sprang in Billy Idle was delighted to be greeted, not by white rabbits, but by the fact that: