Ahoy

After months of careful planning by Captain Tubthumper and First Mate Spudgirl , and none by the rest of the Regulars, a very Motley Crew finally took to the canals.






















 

 

 

It was indeed unlikely that any of them could ride a horse never mind a boat.


Once aboard the Captain and First Mate attended essential safety briefings and instructions while the rest of the Crew hid down below with the kettle.


However this luxury was short-lived as Captain Tubthumper soon had his Crew in hand.














Leading to unprecedented levels of cooperation and concentration.














Notwithstanding, First Mate Spudgirl, in her inimitable people-friendly way made sure nobody dared get in their way once under steam and rallied the troops on land.




















 

 

The Crew was amazed to see an unprecedented display of boatworthy action from Billy Idle.























Although, such effort soon left him exhausted.

















It could be said that the Captain did become somewhat overconfident in his Crew's abilities and the level of supervision required.

But at least Rupert was paying attention unlike Billy Idle when momentarily left in charge.

There was delight midway through the trip when Billy realised where they were and what they were doing.

As the pressure built First Mate Spudgirl displayed ler superhuman canal related powers.

Whilst Gobby felt her part in the proceedings to be purely decorative.

Captain Tubthumper was always on hand to train up new shipmates, even though willing recruits became thinner on the ground as the week wore on.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Billy and Gobby were delighted with the level of home comforts.

 

And, safely returned after a splendid week with no falling in or out, the Crew were welcomed back down the Local with open arms.

Big Girl Birthday

Gobby was delighted when, on finally reaching the big 4 - 0 the Regulars were there to celebrate with her exactly in the style she had hoped for down the Local.


























As the evening wore on reinforcements arrived; slightly the worse for wear themselves but nevertheless very welcome.

















Gobby was reassured to know that Billy Idle would always be there to protect her in life unless utterly terrified by birthday cakes.



























Although she was not wholly convinced that Marlene's best wishes on delivering said cake were entirely sincere.


















As Gobby proceeded to cut the cake Ol' Blue Eyes exclaimed with horror,

"You're letting her have a knife?!"

To which Billy countered,

"They don't call her the Barton slasher for nothing,"

Adding ,

"And not just when she p*sses herself!"




This was followed by calls of,


"Speech!"

However when Gobby reminded them,

"But when am I not making a speech?"

The Regulars consulted amongst themselves and reconsidered deciding,

Ok, then, try a silence!



And as the cake was divided and devoured Ol' Blue Eyes proclaimed,

"Don't even pretend you can't swallow that!"






















And Gobby devised an invention worth of the Dragons' Den for keeping your tits perky past 40.




























As with any new invention, however, there would always be drawbacks as Gobby discovered declaring,

"I need to go to the toilet but I'm not sure I'll get my balloons in there."


To which Jordan lamented,

"I have that trouble every night!"

And weighing up Gobby's invention added,

"I think I would need bigger balloons."

More to the point Gobby pointed out,

"I think we would need a bigger pub!"


Finally, as the evening drew to a close, just when one would have failed to believe the merriment could be surpassed, Billy and Marlene decidedly took theis to the next level with their Karate Kid tribute to round off the perfect celebration.

Surprise!

Billy Idle's eyes lit up when, on enquiring as to what would be gracing his table that evening, he received a reply greatly to his liking.

This euphoria was short-lived, however when Gobby iterated her response to be 'surprise' and not, as lamentably misheard,




'Some pies.'

Hawkshead

On a sunny Friday afternoon an intrepid group of Regulars set off on a road trip to beer and fun.
En route the Regulars were in need of some liquid refreshment, Gobby and Billy Idle in particular after their near death journey experience with Roger the Rocket.

 

 

 

 

 

 


The Regulars were delighted with their accommodation once they had evicted the sheep.

 

 

 

 

And the girls were particularly impressed by the sturdiness of the furniture:

Gobby was appalled by the spelling and grammar mistakes on show although Tubthumper clearly wasn't too phased and one of the Regulars reminded her the purpose of their visit was to drink themselves into oblivion and confiscated her red pen.

After a splendid outside tea the Regulars engaged in the genteel art of lawn darts, although the term lawn needed to be loosely applied on such terrain resulting in a victory and rare action shot of Billy Idle.

 

 

 

 

The Regulars later engaged in some highbrow educated parlour game entertainment, always advisable when, by this time, pickled in home brew but at least they managed to clear up the initial horrified confusion establishing that when Billy had suggested they had a go at 'Gobble' he had actually been thinking of 'Boggle'.

Tubthumper was somewhat hesitant in settling down for the night as Billy had been reported to say,

"I can't wait to see Tubthumper's face when I get into bed with him." But this was soon smoothed over with the explanation that this had, all along, referred to Rupert the Bear.

Collapsing into bed, despite warnings on the severity of Billy's snoring (compare the moose) it would seem the Regulars had still underestimated this but were undeniaby impressed at his ability to start before his head had even touched the pillow.


The Regulars were wholly unexpectant of and traumatised by Tufty's exuberant morning persona somewhat horribly reminiscent of Tigger on acid.

Not least on hearing her storm through the barn into the kitchen announcing,

"I've aroused Billy!"

Gobby simply couldn't recall the last time that happened.

And as Gobby and Billy mused later in the day,

"You wouldn't think she was like a coiled up spring."

"No, more like a rolled-up carpet."

As the Regulars partook in a brief morning attempt to sober up and rehydrate with some non-alcoholic refreshment,

Gobby began to reach critical mass and the consensus was that a brief exercise venture might be in order.

Roger the Rocket declared,

"We'll do Ambleside."

To which Billy felt the need to comment,

"That sounds like a phrase you used in your youth."

Retiring to the barn for an afternoon nap it was clear that, in their absence, a heinous crime had been committed.

Later, whilst gearing up for the Beer Festival and highlight of the weekend waiting some way up a desolate Lakeland fell in complete cloud cover, soaked to the skin, in utterly dreary conditions waiting for their chariot to the designated destination of fun the anticipation was literally quite unbearable.

Spudgirl cheerily pointed out to Billy Idle,

“Good job we got you up in plenty of time”.

Who replied, “Yep. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss this.”

The Regulars soon settled in comfortably at the festival with Tubthumper and Spudgirl using the sinister powers of Howard and Hilda to secure suitable seating.

As the Regulars systematically worked their way through the brews on offer Tubthumper was traumatised by the fact that the long-established brewery had had the audacity to steal his Bennett's Brewery design.

Meanwhile those not so committed to worshipping at the altar of beer were pleased with the choice on offer.

Whilst some raved about the quality of the Guns 'n' Roses tribute act others were not too convinced by the likeness.

And Spudgirl was only too worried about about what would happen if she fell off her picnic table stage, not necessarily for Tufty's safety but more as she had nowhere to escape.

As the night wore on a kind passer-by did see fit to ask:

"Have you set your alarm?"

As Hellrunner's beer processing special powers began to wear Spudgirl and Tufty proved that, in such circumstances, necessity truly is the mother of invention.

 

 

 

 

 

And Spudgirl and Gobby could not understand why Billy Idle felt they were unlikely to pull and it might be time for home.

 

 

 


After another snore and flatulence fuelled night the Regulars readied themselves for the way home they marvelled at the ingenuity of Roger the Rocket and his waste not want not approach as, in keeping with the beer tradition he prepared himself a pint of sausages for the journey.

En route Gobby & Billy Idle began to regret somewhat being so demanding in complaining about the 'bullet from a gun' like nature of the outward journey on experiencing the ensuing detours on their way home.

 


All in all, after another successful trip the Regulars returned safe and sound, if rather tired, hungover and smelly back to the Shire.