Several of The Regulars would do their best to slope off from work early on a Friday and slope into The Local to wet their whistles for the weekend (except Gobby, whose devotion to the rat race was such that she would often make an especially concerted effort to get up in time for such a rendezvous).
Many hours could be whiled away listening to the pearls of wisdom and philosophical musings from the collective insight of those present, no longer of any use to society, propping up the bar.
As the Three Stooges cogitated over the finer points of life and the Mirror Quizword it was with fondness that they recalled a former Barton resident asking if anyone remembered:
"Maureen with one leg".
The Regulars tried hard to recall such a resident and were just about to give up when, mercifully, with a blinding flash of inspiration one of the Stooges interjected with,
"Do you mean one-legged Maureen?"
It was generally agreed, that short of a cooincidence of gargantuan scale, that this, indeed, was most likely to be the same individual in question.
However, when one of the Stooges further mooted,
"Imagine that, a woman with one leg called Maureen. I wonder what she called the other one?"
Gobby decided it was time to make tracks as you could have too much intellectual conversation at one sitting what with the evening session yet to come...
Monday, 10 December 2007
Sunday, 2 December 2007
A Dog's Life
With much reluctance Gobby grudgingly agreed to the imposition of family dogsitting for the weekend.
She made her feelings particularly clear, however, in that she very much resented a weekend of looking after a fat, lazy, ginger lump.
Plus a dog.
She made her feelings particularly clear, however, in that she very much resented a weekend of looking after a fat, lazy, ginger lump.
Plus a dog.
Saturday, 1 December 2007
Billy's Buttocks
Gobby was not at all pleased to have her homemaking skills called into question on finding a note left for her from Billy Idle closely resembling a begging letter:
Further explanation of Billy's disdain for Gobby's environmentally friendly purchasing of recycled toilet paper ensued, likening the experience to 'wiping his arse on glass'.
Indeed, not content with berating her woeful wifely performance within the home, Billy saw fit to engage the support of The Regulars in the pursuit of a wipe more befitting of his delicate derriere declaring down The Local that:
Despite her protestations that it was, after all, only for wiping arses, even ones as delicate as Billy's little peach, The Regulars felt that in order to further educate and guide Gobby in her toilet roll selection and purchasing skills that it would be a wise move to equip her with a range of swatches for ease of comparison. Tattoo proved to be particularly helpful in this area by sourcing a first sample suitable for yet another alias 'Beauty Buttocks' from the gents down The Local although possibly not helpful enough as, when he noticed Billy testing said sample (thankfully only on his face) did he see fit to point out that he had never declared specifically where he had found this nor claimed it to be unused.
To put an end to such ridiculous and unnecessary discussion Gobby reminded The Regulars of the true sole purpose of the item in question and on a particularly determined subsequent homemaking shopping excursion made sure that the item puchased did 'exactly what it said on the tin' and would keep everybody happy.
Further explanation of Billy's disdain for Gobby's environmentally friendly purchasing of recycled toilet paper ensued, likening the experience to 'wiping his arse on glass'.
Indeed, not content with berating her woeful wifely performance within the home, Billy saw fit to engage the support of The Regulars in the pursuit of a wipe more befitting of his delicate derriere declaring down The Local that:
"The big issue is soft tissue."
Despite her protestations that it was, after all, only for wiping arses, even ones as delicate as Billy's little peach, The Regulars felt that in order to further educate and guide Gobby in her toilet roll selection and purchasing skills that it would be a wise move to equip her with a range of swatches for ease of comparison. Tattoo proved to be particularly helpful in this area by sourcing a first sample suitable for yet another alias 'Beauty Buttocks' from the gents down The Local although possibly not helpful enough as, when he noticed Billy testing said sample (thankfully only on his face) did he see fit to point out that he had never declared specifically where he had found this nor claimed it to be unused.
To put an end to such ridiculous and unnecessary discussion Gobby reminded The Regulars of the true sole purpose of the item in question and on a particularly determined subsequent homemaking shopping excursion made sure that the item puchased did 'exactly what it said on the tin' and would keep everybody happy.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
