Hotting Up

After a slow start, due entirely to his own miserliness when it came to initial horticultural outlay, Tubthumper's pumpkin began to show signs of what it may be capable.

So much so that it would take someone with far more professional knowledge and skill than the Regulars to judge who had currently taken the lead between him and Billy Idle (who had, incidentally, lifted a finger, literally, to plant his own pumpkin).

Natural Selection

Disregarding much protestation, and even a wholly unjustified accusation of 'PUMPKIN MURDERER!', Gobby insisted that, despite his hard work and alleged gardening induced blister, the pitiful shoots clinging on to life in Tattoo's grossly oversized bucketful of slurry were plainly not an example of pumpkin seedlings.

And, despite his ridiculous and unsubstantiated scepticism, Tattoo finally deigned to bow to the rest of the Regulars' hitherto superior pumpkin growing techniques with his remaining seeds, allaying his unfounded suspicions and resorting to the unmiraculous tried and tested method of a propagation tray and compost.

Sure enough, within days, as pumpkin seedlings began to emerge, on enquiring if their appearance was distinctly different form the sprinkling of weeds displayed above Gobby managed to tease out the reluctant confession of,

"Slightly."

Germination

As Gobby blatantly and smugly enjoyed her early lead in the proceedings, it became clear that things were hotting up in the husband/wife race for second place.

So much so that the incandescently competitive Tubthumper may have begun to rue his decision to forgo the princely sum of £2.50 paid by his wife for a seed tray and propagation lid in favour of two used plum punnets from the supermarket when it became clear on comparison that Spudgirl's initial outlay may be reaping horticultural rewards:

Meanwhile, and to nobody's great surprise after dismissing many a gardener's preferred growing medium of rich potting compost in favour of his own blend of back garden sludge, Tattoo's efforts, way back in 3rd place, were proving very slow to break through.

However, suddenly and in turncoat fashion, after scathing the others for their technical use of 'artificial heat' then claiming his own airing cupboard to be too full, Tattoo braved the wrath of Jordan who, on returning home to find him nowhere to be seen but the fire on full in the living room, was wholly disconcerted by the new occupants therein:

Subsequently and initially to his great delight, the first tender green shoots finally broke through the slurry but, on Tattoo's own admission, looked nothing like the pumpkin seedlings proudly displayed by the rest of the Regulars. At this juncture Gobby did feel it only right and just to question as to whether these first signs of life were likely to develop into pumpkins at all or could simply be stray weeds and, on viewing the most pitiful pot of all, the Regulars mused as to whether, yet again, Ol' Blue Eyes' selection would inevitably prove to be an 'also ran'.

Britain's Got Talent (but not here).

Whilst Gobby felt she was really honing her karaoke skills it was deemed, from photographic evidence, that not all the Regulars shared her enthusiasm.

Nor the neighbours when they came round to complain at 2.00am.

PUMPKINMANIA - The Beginning

As the lights dimmed down the Local and Marlene presented Tattoo, the birthday boy with a giant caterpillar cake to 'protect his pumpkins' the Regulars knew the race was on and could barely sleep for the excitement of the PLANT OFF.








And indeed, no sooner had they woken up, sobered up, synchronised their watches and brushed the dew off the garden at 2.00pm the next day did the BIG DIG begin.

Week 1
After some days of unbearable tension and anticipation the miracle began with Gobby and Billy taking an early lead with an impressive 2 inches:














This was swiftly followed by an announcement from Tattoo of 'action in one pot' and the incurring of only a slight pumpkin-related head injury from his over-enthusiastic shed activity in checking progress.

Pot-shot:
Having been somewhat disappointed with Ol' Blue Eyes' lack of enthusiasm and the most feeble of excuses that living in a flat would in any way hinder his ability to grow a Cucurbita maxima Tattoo magnanimously took it upon himself to reserve a pot for him specially, although Ol' Blue Eyes' appreciation of this generosity was short-lived when it was revealed that, when caught short in the depths of his horticultural zone, Tattoo had been forced to resort to relieving himself therein.

Could this indeed be the secret elixir to which he had been repeatedly alluding? And would Ol' Blue Eyes be correct in his assumption that while the Regulars would be proudly taking the prize fruits of their labours to horticultural shows and competitions he would be taking his to the GUM clinic?

Sit back and enjoy as it is a long long time to Halloween...