A Lidl bit of Joy

Never let it be said that Billy Idle and Gobby didn't wish people well for the festive season in their own special way.

Soupermodel

It was not often that Billy Idle treated Gobby to lunch and, as she tucked into her Greggs tomato soup in a paper cup at Doncaster services, this was yet another one of those occasions.

On returning from the toilet, having engaged with several members of the public en route as is her wont, she did berate Billy Idle on allowing her to walk through the services with tomato soup smeared down her chin.  To which he claimed he hadn't noticed.

Finishing said soup, now cool enough to drink rather than spoon, Gobby made her loving husband gaze into her face (to check her for soup) before walking back to the car engaging with all and sundry as they went.

Imagine her surprise (feel free to substitute with other emotions of your own choosing) on checking her 'lippy' in the car mirror and finding an orange moustache up to her nostrils.

Imagine Billy's surprise when his response of, 'Actually you're covered in it!' was not that well received.

Chemistry

Gobby left Billy Idle with ONE JOB to do while she went away for ONE DAY.

He managed to sort himself out down the chemist but, as the assistant searched every shelf to no avail for her prescription, he suddenly recalled:

'Oh, tell a lie, she's not called that any more.  It's the same name as mine; I forgot I married her a year ago!"

To which the chemist replied,

'I won't tell her if you don't'!'

Morning Call

On watching the denouement of one of his favourite reality TV trash shows:

Billy Idle declared: 'That's the only reason I haven't won The Apprentice; it takes me that long to have a shit on a morning'.

Power to the Potato!

As Gobby came home after a 12 hour shift she wasn't best pleased to hear there had been a potato-related incident in the microwave.

So much so that, when Billy Idle suggested that maybe the best line of attack would be to 'let it all go hard then scrape it off', the look on her face alone must have been enough to spur him into cleaning action.

Her smug joy was short-lived however when Billy, scourer in hand declared, 'There's a lot more stuck on here than originated with my one potato'.

And her protestations of. 'I clean that regularly!' were further met with,

'Don't give me regularly; give me THOROUGHlY!'

Such assertions are ritualistically met by Gobby running away at speed yelling, 'TROPHY WIFE!!'