Message from Planet Gonad

It would seem that the recent extra-terrestial activity in the Shire had not gone unnoticed:

Message From Planet Gonad Located In The Nether Regions

I must contact you Earth Beings to stop your endless speculation about UFO's.

Firstly, Of course they exist. Unlike your Earth grown Giant Pumpkins.
How else do you Earth Beings think we get to your planet to buzz your towns and scare you.

Secondly, You Earth Beings seem to have no taste.

While on a wasted mission to search for and abduct virgins from your town, I had to find fuel for my saucer. This is a liquid compound made from fermented organic material.

My onboard scanner tracked a large source of potential fuel which was in a place which you call a pub.

Our normal method of re-fuelling on an alien planet is to take on an appearance of the indigenous species and recover as large a quantity as can be transported back.

This is simply done by pouring as much as possible down our speaking port and then returning to the saucer.

The saucer is fuelled by inserting our drainage proboscis into the fuel cell and allowing the fuel to flow out.

You do not have saucer technology but seem to have a passion for practicing this re-fuelling technique.

Although you do manage to fill yourselves with fuel you then go on to waste it by emptying yourselves down a ceramic drainage system.

You also suffer from serious personal navigational problems after this exercise and some of you even experience a fuel “blow-back” which makes such a mess.

So, can you all please stop pointing and shouting when you see my saucer around your pub.

I am simply trying to get tanked up.

Blotto The Alien