Swine

As Jordan deluged the Regulars with a violent bout of sneezing down the Local, Tattoo exclaimed that he hoped she wasn't exposing them to swine flu.

To which, in an unprecedentedly successful act of duplicity commanding his undivided attention the following dialogue between Gabby & Tattoo ensued:

"My friend was concerned she was infected and called the NHS helpline but could get through."

"That doesn't surprise me."

"Absolutely, all she got was crackling!"