Wiggle It - Just a Little Bit.

Time for another competition!

The winner being the one who can most closely identify what Billy Idle was actually doing. 

Post any suggestions as comments below!

Looking Good

As, one evening,  the Regulars decided to give Billy Idle's appearance the once over one of them was heard to declare,

"You have actually lost quite a bit of weight."

"Either that or your earring hole has got bigger."

And, as his choice of spectacles was complemented Billy added,

"I only got them for playing pool."

"With hindsight, I should really have got a cue."

Spudtheft

On receiving a flier through their doors the Regulars, despite their better judgment, could not help being suspicious that Spudgirl was in the process of some embezzlement using the ever unsuspecting Tubthumper as a fence:

A Rude Awakening

As Billy Idle pursued his tried and trusted method of dealing with house guests, namely sleeping through their visit so as not to have to participate, he was rudely awakened and forced to socialise.

He concluded,

"Suddenly there was a cold wet nose in my face. It was either their dog or Gobby but, either way, it was time to get up!."

Dummy

Gobby was not entirely prepared for the reply she received after a visit from one of her most child-bearing of friends in the following exchange:


"I just found that dummy down the back of one of our sofa cushions."

"That's no way to talk about Billy!"

Indian Summer

As the nights begin to draw in and normal Shire folk prepare for the clocks going back, clear their gardens and give them the last mow of the year Gobby could only marvel when Billy Idle returned home with the industrial strimmer they had required since moving in May.



























And she very much looked forward to stage 2: Outdoors

Smash

As the Regulars wended their way homeward bound at the end of the working day along the potato highways Gobby was alarmed to hear on national radio that their main arterial route had been untimely closed due to an incident.

Setting to to inform the other Regulars who have to bite the bullet and leave the Shire in the pursuit of gainful employment Gobby was beaten to it by a SPUDFLASH!

It would seem Spudgirl and her colleagues were wholly to blame for the delay:






















On hearing this Gobby, already snarled up on a previous 5 mile tailback on the M1, could not hold back in informing Spudgirl that,

'If I reach the front if this queue and find it is also potato-related you will be for the chop!' (or chip, roast or dauphinoise.)

In mitigation Spudgirl pointed out,

'All ours should be coming up the A1.'

But Gobby in her frustration felt it could be down to,

'The spud that got away!'
















As she covered the final stretches Gobby spotted another of the offending vehicles and (obviously whilst pulling over to where it was safe to do so) texted Spudgirl informing her,


"Just overtook one of your lorries. Gave it a WIDE berth."

But it was Hellrunner that summed up the incident declaring,

"It's a long time since I saw a smash like that!"

Cock

At the commencement of the new football season, in a rare moment of concession to Billy Idle's whims and foibles, Gobby declared:

"So, if Tottenham do win the league and you get that tattoo you've always wanted, I'll come with you have one of Rupert the Bear done on my arse."

It had to be said that, rather than being appreciative Billy wholeheartedly wasted such a rare window of opportunity and his chances of ever seeing the famous gamecock transposed onto his freckles were short-lived with his reply:





"And what will we call that one then - Wobbly Bear?"

Pearl Harbour

The Regulars were thoroughly enjoying a game of charades one evening until Gobby not only lowered the tone but all agreed that some cheating had occurred in her rendition of Pearl Harbour.






























Although the final outcome seemed to have similar results to the original military attack.

An Evening to Ponder

During a typical evening of non-sequiturious utterances down the Local, which, for the Regulars invariably constitutes said typical evening, the following were worthy of report:

"We were still born in 1969."

"You were still born?"




As Jordan lamented on never having met her fantasy Facebook friend, Orange Woman, she pondered,

"I think she's a myth."

At which Billy Idle enquired,

"She's not married, then?"



Discussing when one of their number had returned much the worse for wear from a beer-related event when Billy Idle had packed Gobby off home declaring that any attempt at communication with her that evening was,

'Like doing an autopsy on a live kangaroo'.

Gobby reminded him that he himself did not live in a glass house (no doubt to the great relief of the neighbours at undressing time) and he could not be held blameless on intoxicating outings, invariably losing or destroying some aspect of his personal belongings, this time being his mobile phone stylus.

However Hamish generous to a fault as ever and a legend in the embrace of new technologies came to the rescue declaring,

"I've got a spare stylus - plays all my 78s."













On hearing on the local news that someone had held up a Bookies in Leeds Hamish had to ask,

"What are the odds on that?"









Proceeding at an alarming rate towards, through and over to the dark side of middle age the Regulars reminisced about times gone by as Gobby mused,

"Do you remember when cash machines did fivers?"

Which produced a decidedly alarming revelation from Rick Francis who announced,

"I only had £8 in my account the other day so I went into the bank and asked the cashier if I gave her £2 could she give me a tenner so she did."

As the rest of the Regulars stared at him with obvious incredulity it took Rick some time to absorb the validity of their words as they had to iterate:

"Why didn't you just ask to take your £8 out?"

















Discussing the fineries of British cuisine the following query arose:

"Don't you find when you have a McDonald's for breakfast you have a big shit at lunchtime?

To which Billy Idle did counter with,

"No, I usually just get a sandwich from ASDA."




















As the conversation invariably turned to matters green with much under the table vegetable bartering Gobby wistfully commented that,

"My melons didn't grow this year."

To which Jordan pointed out,

"Nothing wrong with my melons!"



























Contorting on his bar stool Billy Idle declared,

"This shirt is smaller than it used to be!"

Pointing out the unlikelihood of this Gobby did have to gently enquire,

"Are you not just fatter?"

to which Billy did have to admit there was a strange correlation between,

"The more I eat, the more the washer shrinks my clothes."


















Tattoo lamented that in his youth,

"I had a big chopper"

Leading to replies of,

"What about your scooter?"

And,

"Well, you are black."


On talking to their aforementioned neighbours Jordan informed Gobby that,

"Jane had one of your problems tonight!"

Perhaps it would have been prudent to think before speaking but, unlikely to break the habit of a lifetime, Gobby enquired,

"Why, did you wet yourself?"

Jordan tried to smooth over this misconception explaining,

"No, she broke her bracelet playing with it."

But Gobby, now on a 'make friends and influence people roll' added,

"Were you having a fiddle?"

To the horror of the collective neighbours who protested,

"You can't ask that in public!"





And finally the Regulars rolled their eyes on hearing that Spudgirl and Tubthumper had planned ahead and filled their diary up until the 2012 Olympics.

In her defence Spudgirl declared,

"Apparently we're the organised Bennetts."

To which Billy Idle, with a wry smile corrected her pointing out,

"No apparently required."