Less than Total Recall

As the blurred recollections of the Whitby Weekend began to materialise Gobby tried to make sense of the eclectic ramblings, often punctuated by the words 'Bloody SatNav!' and illegible scrawl accompanying the hazy memories of the Regulars. A task made all the more painful due to the acknowledgment of the fact that, during the aforementioned she had had to be taken to the toilet by her mother.

Nevertheless, an array of vignettes soon poured forth starting with the Dark Lord's account of his own recent memories of the melting pot of the North East coast and the incompatible mixing of cultures stating:

"It was so weird: there were some Goths, some transvestites and some just from Whitby."

In their defence it was pointed out that such specimens may only have been trying to escape the gene pool. A viewpoint quashed by the Dark Lord declaring they were definitely,

"In the shallow end."

Followed by the Regulars' marvelling of Tubthumper's party piece of swallowing whole eggs for breakfast in the B&B which he depicted as,

"Like an oyster but much less orgasmic."

Not forgetting Spudgirl's valiant attempt to insinuate to one of Hamish's colleague that he was taking her away for the weekend despite the comic irony being somewhat lost on one so humourless and described as "stony-faced in a leather jacket - bit like the terminator but 4 foot 9 or as Hamish eloquently put it,

"More like termite."

Followed by comments so randomly recollected such as, unlike Tattoo's incident with a far too tempting banister, when Billy Idle found himself inadvertently bleeding and Ol' Blue Eyes enquired,

"Has one of your freckles bust?"

Or the non-attributable exchange of,

"Do you use a dictaphone?"

"No, I use my finger like everyone else."

Plus, after some unpleasant spillage,

"Can't you turn it inside out?"
"No it's got spots on it."
"I've seen that before down the GUM clinic."

After which hilarious recollections plus the amount of involuntary good humour on her part for the duration of the weekend Spudgirl complained that she couldn't cope with any more laughter. Tubthumper reassured her that she would soon have a couple of weeks off from such mirth in the following succinct exchange:

"Where are we going?"

"Your parents!"