A SINCERE Apology

Barton Lives sincerely apologises if offence was caused in any way regarding the November episode entitled Watership Down and any misinterpretation inferred there from that Robbin' Get may do exactly what it says on the tin.

The correct insinuation of such miserliness in the face of Barton's most over-indulged rabbit , courtesy of the aforementioned Robbin' Get should have read:

"I just wasn't paying £20 for a p*ssing vase to sit on a p*ssing mantlepiece!"

Dark Christmas

Suffice it to say, despite his generosity, the Regulars decided not to take The Dark Lord up on his offer of having them round for Christmas.

Decorum

The Regulars were delighted to hear that the dour and decidedly unfestive Hamish had made an unseasonal effort to take part in the Barton Christmas Best Decorated House competition.

That was, at least, until they popped round to have a look.

The Heart of the Matter

The Regulars had been highly concerned by Billy Idle's recurrent chest pain one weekend, not to mention his ensuing inability to successfully perform the Timewarp and were relieved to hear that by the following weekend this had abated.

However, as further details of Billy's predicament began to emerge, Gobby felt she could go some way to allay the concerns of the Regulars due to a recent purchase of a heart monitor.

Moreover, it was not necessarily the reassurance of the ability to monitor his heart rate that would serve to assuage the fear of any major concerns, but more the fact that, despite months of treatment and rehabilitation, watching Billy strap this to the entirely wrong part of his chest and the revelation that he had still no idea of where his heart was actually situated that would serve to increase the likelihood of his recurrent predicament being no more than a typical case of Billy hot air or bullsh*t.

Taking a Buffeting

As Rupert Kidnapper and the Manic Miner returned from yet another ill-planned foray abroad the Regulars were shocked to hear that, despite being 'all you can eat' this 'value for money' buffet in their hotel was at a cost of £75 a head.

As Hamish was heard to exclaim:

'HOW BIG WAS THE HEAD?!'

Raffles

Before any uncalled for anticipation that the Regulars had taken a far-flung trip out of the Shire to the far east, let all confusion be checked in the knowledge that this episode merely involves the purchase of raffle tickets in support of a local charity.

Indeed, so touched were the Regulars by Barton's resident Scouser's appeal to help those less fortunate then himself and the revelation that there can be less fortunates than those hailing from Merseyside, even the well-documented tight-fisted Hamish dug deep and made a contribution.

On further inspection of the tickets however, and the discovery that these were sold to purchase a defibrillator kit the Regulars enquired that, if they were to win, could they just claim the kit to have on-hand for Billy?

Absent Abstinence

As the Regulars debated the dubious likelihood of one of their member having truthfully given up the pleasures of the flesh forever Ol' Blue Eyes sagely pronounced,

"He'd shag a frog if he could stop it hopping."

Corroborated by Hamish who declared he would,

"Bang a door."

Minimisdemeanor

Ever supportive the Regulars sought to counsel Gobby regarding her latest traffic offence involving being caught driving her mini down a bus lane.

Indeed how could she not take solace from:

"Was it a MINIbus?!"

"Would you have got off if you'd had Ol' Blue eyes in there with his bus pass?"

"£30? That's an expensive fare. Was it to rent the lane?"

"It'd have been cheaper to take the bus."