Tuesday 15 May 2012

Window of Opportunity

As the plus-four element of the Regulars stupefied the others with yet another repeated tale from the ghost of golfing holidays past with this particular anecdote from Tattoo:

"The last time we went to Funky Gorilla they had those Sioux Indians with pan pipes!  "And when we went back the next year they were still there!"

Gobby rolled her eyes at a distinct lack of cultural understanding and Ol' Blue Eyes helpfully added,

"Maybe they had a reservation."

















Jordan concluded, against her better judgement that it might be time for them to take another trip, if only to provide a new chapter of tedious stories.  Gobby added, however, that as they had ignored the fact that Billy Idle's migratory sister had spent the last year living on a golf course but had now moved on so they had, effectively, missed their window.

To which Billy added, this was unexpected as,

"I don't usually miss many windows when I'm golfing."






Head Scratching

After years of denial Billy Idle scratched his balding ginger head and, with a expression falling somewhere between horror and tragedy, finally admitted:

"I really don't have any hair left at the back at all, do I?"

Caught on the spot Gobby did her utmost to react positively and assuage his pain but realised, from his expression, she had fallen woefully short of the mark with her observation of:


"Well, there's a bit left - you know, like you sometimes get on a pork scratching."







Friday 11 May 2012

Stunned

On occasion the Regulars were lost for fitting answers to each other's enquiries plunging the Local into a stunned silence.

The latest from Spudgirl being a case in point with:


"Did you go home last night and google penguins?"









Tash

The Regulars were disappointed with Billy Idle's woeful lack of classic car knowledge when, on choking on his pint as Gobby made reference to a Lamborghini Countach, he was heard to exclaim:

"And what's that?!  A moustache on a woman?!!"








BOGOF

As Gobby began to prepare herself for the forthcoming fun-packed weekend involving beer, friends, Whitby, her mother and some nuns and still not being sure where the nuns came in Billy Idle did not help the situation recounting anecdotes from his Catholicism-filled past.

To curtail the stream of disturbing memories Gobby pointed out that these were an entirely different breed being Anglican nuns.

To which Hamish helpfully added:

"You buy one - you get one free!"

"I said you buy one - you get one free!"





Delivery

After a weekend crisis down the Leisure Centre caused Gobby to rouse a lactophobic and narcoleptic Billy Idle to deliver emergency supplies the Regulars could only conclude, on the reported arrival of these some hours later that they did indeed, call him Billy,



"And he drove the slowest milk cart in the east."

Snooker Loopy

As the Regulars settled down for the excitement of a fortnight's snooker viewing, during one particular session they could only hope, for the well-being of all those in attendance, that Ol' Blue Eyes had too opted to view from the comfort of his armchair and was not visiting the venue in person.









A Whale of a Time

As Ol' Blue Eyes lamented the retraction of free over 60's swimming, despite never actually having availed himself of the privilege, the Regulars pointed out that maybe the price reflected the more likely need for medical attention. 

Billy Idle immediately disputed this stating,

"You should see the need when I try."

Countered by Hamish who added,

"You need Greenpeace."






Wednesday 2 May 2012

Hairy Daze

Sometimes Tattooo had to admit his personal inadequacies could be a blessing rather than a curse:



















http://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R231U4ZG0YDNHD/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt#R231U4ZG0YDNHD


Little House on the Prairie

Despite Billy Idle's protestations to the contrary Gobby insisted that, when on the verge of losing their children therein, grass-cutting had reached crisis point.