Bing Bong

Gobby felt you knew it had been a particularly good shift at work whan a small child asked its parent,

‘Why is the lady on the tannoy so angry?’

Happy New Gums

Following up the joy of Christmas with one of her other great personal passions, Gobby felt compelled to go sale shopping. 

Because, when your dentist tells you your gum disease and recession is ‘to be expected for someone your age’, insinuates the 10 plagues of Egypt will probably befall you if you don’t switch to an electric toothbrush and that 75p bristles from Lidl will no longer suffice but, seeing the look of horror on your scaled and polished face you could wait until the January sales, there seemed little alternative. 

Despite an initial, if Gobby could bring herself to say it, 'teething period' involving a re-visitation of schoolroom physics lessons involving the concept of centrifugal force accompanied by a liberal spattering of the shower screen and Gobby's regulation black work clothes accompanied by Billy Idle yelling,

'Put the toothpaste on the brush and out it in your mouth BEFORE you turn it on!!'

Progress is underway.

House of Cards

Gobby had made it abundantly clear of her loathing of festive celebrations and the pointless tradition of sending and receiving cards.

It would seem that this approach and failing to heed her trusty old friend's advice that she 'doth protest too much', merely served as a red rag to a bull where her more evil friends and neighbours were involved.

So, it began with the over the garden fence projecting Christmas light onslaught.  Not content with this, their neighbours' next step in yearly ritual escalation of 'try to make those grumpy b******s next door be festive' was a 'drive-by' delivery yelling 'And we want to see it on your windowsill!!'

Well, they never said which windowsill and Billy and Gobby's bog had never looked so festive.  

Some days later began the steady stream of unwanted cards. Bad enough in itself but exacerbated by the glee taken by the postman, on visiting Gobby's place of work every day, in announcing: 'You've got another card!!!'

Billy and Gobby saw fit to bear this out, indeed punctuated by the occasional less hatefully received card such as a particularly unexpected real ale gem:

























However, there were definite friends out there who had taken festive glee just too far. So much so that Gobby took to social media declaring:

'When I fully open this, and find out which tw*t of a so-called friend has sent us a GIANT card, I will not restrict that knife to letter opening!' 
















Not to mention having to put up with this blending in so well with its unwanted peers all Christmas.

When all finally fell quiet, and Gobby dared to believe the missives had ceased, she could only feel aggrieved that fate herself seemed in on the game on discovering the following declaring,

Who the **** are Bernice and Brian and what are they doing on our doormat? Will this torment never end?!

But the final crowning glory would have to be when the postman himself steals the day!