Footnotes

Whilst Gobby was delighted to note that Billy Idle had taken notice and not trailed daily filth back from Doncaster onto their new carpets, she did have to reprimand him slightly for venturing outside to the car in his slippers.

Billy decided what he needed for such occasions were 'outdoor slippers' so he would not have to wear his 'indoor slippers' outside but could wear his 'outdoor slippers' than change back into his 'indoor slippers' once inside.

Gobby clarified the situation and that,

"You DO have 'outdoor slippers': they're called SHOES."

New Year New Career

Yet again, the Regulars had to inform Hamish that his new food packaging career move for 2014 was, like the many he had tried, unsuitable. 








 

New Wave

Gobby couldn't really understand what all the fuss was about but, after 7 years, did relent and agree that maybe microwaves were contraptions that may sporadically need to be cleaned.

Behold the before and after photos of her labours:

I.e. BEFORE bequeathing the old on to the tip and AFTER sending Billy Idle to buy a new one having decided there was no way she was putting her hand in there.

Refinement

As the Regulars discussed times old and new down the Local Spudgirl commented that, despite much progress, she hadn't yet quite cut it as a Northerner.

Ol' Blue Eyes concluded that was because she,

"Still had a bit of refinement".

To which Gobby, aghast, had to refute:

"From Essex??!?!?"

  

Accessories

The Regulars were extremely impressed with Hamish's ability to accessorise over the festive period:

Also concluding he had made far more effort than the Local itself, where things had now reached so low that, why bother with Christmas decorations when you can use beermats?

Hair Today...

As the Regulars bemoaned their thinning hairlines Billy Idle particularly lamented his loss saying he was having trouble 'hanging onto his fringe':

To which Ol' Blue Eyes exploded declaring,

"Fringe??!?!?"

"I've never seen a fringe at the back before!"

Billy tried to defend his position claiming it to be a 'DA'.

Which Ol' Blue Eyes spurned as,

"Dead on arrival?!"

Billy also warned against subjecting any remaining follicles to a cut on the days when the barber of choice is substituted by 'The One from Brigg', claiming that during a recent visit:

"She was the one that ****ed it up."

Leading to a further explosion from Ol' Blue Eyes declaring,

"You mean you've got someone to blame?!"

There's Always One

WHY?

A Close Shave

Delighted though they were to hear that Tattoo had survived his most recent surgical intervention, the Regulars could not help but allow themselves a stifled titter on hearing:

"I spent hours shaving myself into a loveheart specially and then they went in through my arm."

Skirting the Issue

As Gobby arrived down the Local in a skirt, the Regulars strove to save her  modestly, well aware of their experiences of her previous lack of success in this scenario.

Undeterred Gobby pointed out she had taken precautions and has a particularly thick gusset.

It took Ol' Blue Eyes some to to recover from one of the visiting Regulars' questions of:

"What's a gusset?"

Not to mention his follow up of:

"I though it was a euphemism and you you meant you had a particularly large $*%^£*);!"





















Leading to the following exchange between Gobby and Billy Idle:

"He says I've got a wide gusset!"

"You probably have."

"Nice that you've checked recently!"

Bang On!

Ruminating over Christmases past Hamish reminisced as to how his father had been:

"Lead singer of a band called the Detonators."

Adding.

"Don't set him off!"