Return to Sender (please!)

The Regulars sat back stunned at the "one-eyed, one-horned giant purple people eater" descended amongst them down the Local and Gobby admitted to having been remiss in allowing unsupervised internet shopping to occur.

As the Regulars berated Gobby on her lack of supervision Billy Idle did protest that,

"None of you have to wear it."

To which they chorused,

"No, but we have to look at it."

Undeterred by their collective abhorrence and so keen to maximise his most misguided purchase to date Billy Idle further stunned the Regulars by being prepared to forgo his month Farmers' Market porky pie day.

Spudgirl, Fat Club weigh-in guru soon banged him to rights concluding,

"Slimming won't help that."

Struggling for a solution to the retina-burning apparition in their midst Gobby proposed an unfortunate laundry accident but felt.

"The chances of it running are also pretty slim."

As Billy added, particularly so,

"Unless someone else is wearing it!"

Ol' Blue Eyes concluded the debate pronouncing he,

"Wished it would run and jump off the bridge."

In-Breeding

The Regulars were slightly concerned as to the approach to animal care by one of their number.

But they were soon reassured that the cat was simply, like everything else to be found in the Shire, in-bred.

Rat Pack

Gobby couldn't help but wonder why she has been so hesitant in alerting the neighbours to the one-eyed rat infestation issue as they could not have been more keen to help with the extermination.

Although she could not help but feel the eye-patch to be somewhat excessive.

Window Dressing

As Gobby and Billy expressed their horror at the result of the escalation of their neighbours' domestic altercations Gobby despaired for the children involved lamenting,

"You know what they're going to become."

And the Regulars sagely concluded.

"Glaziers or removal men."

Pole Position

Gobby was relieved to put to rest once and for all the unkind allegation that there was any resemblance  whatsoever between Bernie Ecclestone and her mother. 

Thank goodness for that.