Ringing the Changes

On arrival at the Local, with Jordan and Tattoo decidedly eager to declare they 'had a new ring piece' for her, Gobby was not sure whether it would be wiser to turn on her heel there and then and flee.

Fortunately it was soon revealed that this would merely be for gardening purposes.




And how many of you thought that would be one about Tubthumper and Spudgirl...?

Pond Dipped

Despite a lack of any anticipated nudity or swinging at the Adult Only Pond Dipping event the Regulars did have a thoroughly enjoyable educational evening. (See Pond Dipping)

One of them in particular.

Food for Thought

As Hamish's absence from the Local became increasingly prolonged the Regulars were relieved to hear he had chosen to take a culinary trip around the world and lost for words when he chose to share his snapshots with them.

They REALLY DO buy any car. Dot com.

As Gobby and Billy Idle penetrated ever deeper into the foul bowels of Hull they could not help feeling that the upbeat and colourful advertising campaign of a certain car purchasing firm did not wholly reflect the true nature of the premises and business that awaited them.

However, with what they had to offload, it was probably a blessing.

Out of Office out of Mind

As Gobby sent some vital electronic communication to Billy Idle at work she was more than slightly perturbed to find he was suddenly and mysteriously 'out of the office' for the next week, something that had gone unmentioned as she had lovingly prepared his butty box the previous evening.

Further and alternative means of communication led to the following exchange clarifying the situation:


"Thanks for telling me - had no idea."

"So you've not left me.  Splendid."

Just One More Thing

As Billy Idle settled down for an uninterrupted Saturday of Columbo viewing he was wholly taken aback by the episode's Special Guest Star.

Whilst he had become accustomed to the likes of Johnny Cash, Faye Dunaway, William Shatner (twice, once with moustache, once without so that the detective viewing public would never realise) he could not believe (as would none of the Regulars) that Robbin' Get was capable of such modesty as to hide his acting starlight under a bushel.

Bedfellows

As, with a level of disbelief that only mirrored the rest of the Regulars' incredulity, Billy was astounded to find he was the only one who had regularly chosen to sleep in bus shelters and behind advertising hoardings in his misspent youth, one by one the Regulars did confess to their own inebriated shortcomings in choice of bedfellows.

Not only had Tattoo once,

"Slept with a horse."

Ol' Blue Eyes admitted,

"Trouble is I backed it the next day!"

Now you See Him

Rolling down the Local late as usual Gobby and Billy Idle strove to find a place amongst the Regulars,

Gobby scarcely avoided installing herself on Tubthumper's lap as, sporting his camouflage trousers, she had failed to notice him.

He did admit it had,

"Taken ages to find them."

Conversation, and on and on and on

As Gobby delighted the old-time Regulars at the bar with scintillating unremitting wit and conversation they were overheard to mutter.

"Shall we try and get a word in?  Best share one."

Downwardly Mobile

As Ol' Blue Eyes' mobility scooter axe to grind showed no signs of abatement he did concede that, if they must insist on driving in the middle of the road,

"At least you can kill them."

 Robbin' Get declared that when the time came he would be getting one to which Ol' Blue Eyes declared,

"You might be the first f*cker I kill!"

And, after further vehement debate on road user suitability concluded,

"I think everyone should have a test to walk!!"

Unsupersized

Barely able to control his disappointment, Billy Idle vowed on the spot never to darken the door again of a well-known Swedish home store.

Ask Hamish

It would seem that Hamish had failed to heed the Regulars' previous sage advice regarding his unsuitability as an Agony Uncle (see Job Satisfaction) and resumed this sideline, this time with a wholly unconvincing wig and under the pseudonym of 'Emma'.

The Green Green Grass of Home

Clearly Gobby's biting sarcasm was wasted down the Local in the following interchange with Billy Idle:

"The grass looks good"

"That's why I didn't cut it."