April 2006

Golf
Sometimes words are simply unnecessary...












REVISION!
The time has come again, as it does with seemingly frightening regularity for Billy Idle to attempt to pass his final professional exam. As he first started doing these as a callow youth some decades ago The Regulars, showing great concern in his future, have decided to join Billy in fighting the cause...
Step 1 - Teach Billy a new word: R E V I S I O N
Step 2 - Basic Latin - explain to Billy that words beginning in 're' presuppose that that which is being undertaken, has, in fact been so before and a grasp of this concept with a view to study may, in fact, be the way forward on the road to success.
Step 3 - Remind Billy at any and every opportunity of his quest thus ensuring nights in The Local take on an uncomfortable quality only to be overcome by success in the quest (albeit not as uncomfortable as the time he was so unnervingly confident in final exam success that he promised to eat his bollocks should this predicted outcome not ensue).
Step 4 - Devise a REVISION plan for Billy
These steps in hand, The Regulars have begun to pull together in Billy's quest:
Rick Francis devised a cunning plan:
"All problems solved.
When in the pub, why don't we reserve a table (in a corner) for Billy Idle to do his revision, whilst enjoying his pint of lager (with added fruit juice).That way he will be killing two birds with one stone and he will have the added benefit of having all his knowledgeable friends in close vicinity in case they are needed to help in the cause. I'll get his beer for him when the glass is empty.
Not just a pretty face"
He also trawled the world wide web until he found:
http://www.buzzin.net/ although this could be a little advanced for one such as Billy having just learned what the 're' in revision actually means although he did attempt it in good spirit:
"Have just got back from Pub (Friday), after this mornings bacon butties (Friday), and had a look at the buzzin site. Shame it’s all about study and revision, at which I am an expert anyway, but may find it quite useful.
Now have plenty of time, although preparing the study plan is taking up most of that valuable resource. And was OBVIOUSLY tucked up in bed when Bitesize revision was on but think I had already set the video………..
Will be in the pub later, probably, after a revision session – Glad to see all The Regulars are so concerned with my progress, it’s very heartening……..Thankyou.
(Study & Revision Boy!!)"
The Regulars' adopted Ginger Child gave Billy this easy to follow advice on creating a revision plan:
Monday - Friday - REVISE
Saturday - REVISE
Sunday - REVISE
It would seem that Billy, from his own first attempt very much needs to heed this advice. As Gobby pointed out, in her vast educational experience she had never before had to CONFISCATE a revision plan because it was so poor:
(click to enlarge - it's so worth it...)












Tim Tams Update
It has been many many weeks sice Rick Francis's brother, who resides down under, promised to send Tim Tams to put an end to the quest but these have never been sighted. The Regulars are concerned that these may have come to a sticky chocolaty end in the Bermuda triangle (their geography has never been good; just come to pub quiz if further proof is needed).
However, rescue could be on its way as some friends of The Regulars, having made the journey down under, made this very kind offer:
"Have arrived in the colonies and can report a plentiful abundance of Tim Tams.
Several species flourish in the warm southern ocean climate with their gaudy plumage and nightly calls they seem to be everywhere.
If you wish we may be able to trap a specimen and return with it hence.
Any request for a particular type let us know."
Meanwhile, Sven, under pressure from his demanding foreign colleagues bought 6 packets from Tesco.

Roomates
In discussing their up and coming golfing holiday The Regulars were trying to divide up the rooms.
Billy Idle, Hamish and Rick Francis were dismayed in ending up together as:
Billy would have to sleep on the balcony due to his uncontrollable snoring,
Rick daren't stay in the room on his own with Hamish due to his uncontrollable sleepwalking antics so would have to sleep with Billy on the balcony,
Hamish, being frightened of sleeping on his own decided the only thing to do in the circumstances would be to join Billy and Rick...on the balcony.
Tatoo and Den The Landlord wondered why they had wasted money booking 2 rooms...

Grand National
During the big money sweepstake down The Local Gobby was disappointed in her draw, Garvivonnian as, despite her linguistic prowess she was unable to pronounce it. Rick Francis tried to console her saying that, at 16-1 it was a far better draw than his at 100-1.
"Yes, but can you pronounce it?" She retorted to which he replied:
YES,
O N E H U N D R E D T O O N E