After a jolly fun day's happy hiking enjoyed by all, not excluding Billy Idle, Gobby thought it would be best to strike while the iron was hot and purchase Billy his own shiny new hiking trainers.
Even more unbelievably Billy seemed ecstatic with his new functional footwear.
It was only when he elaborated that his delight was that he found them ideal as they matched the living room that Gobby realised perhaps a little more work may be needed on what actually constituted hiking...
Val-dera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha...
The Miracle
With the universally enviable quality of hindsight, there stood the very outside possibility that The Regulars could have been able to pre-empt an event of such biblical magnitude that befell one of their number, and indeed one so devout in his beliefs and clean-living ways, especially after such a sequence of cruel antecedent happenings reminiscent in unparalleled horror only of the Plagues of Egypt that demonstrated the awesome power of God against the worldly nation or at least against his chances of success.
Nevertheless, The Regulars fell to the floor as if possessed (or maybe just drunk again) on coming face to face with a true miracle.
Indeed, some of their flock may have doubted the veracity of such a phenomenon, but, by means of a true leap of faith, and the words:
"Get in, you fucker!!"
Did the entire gathered congregation of The Local share in the divine knowledge that Billy Idle had, this time, against all adversity,
PASSED HIS EXAM.
Such rejoicing broke out in the Local as never before.
Although not quite enough to warrant one on the house from Robin Get, the Landlord...
Captain Underpants And the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants, by Dave Pilkey, in which the evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
Obviously the Regulars could not pass up the chance to indulge in such intellectual reading matter...
Tattoo soon cheerily announced:
"I am Crusty Dippin Doodle."
Perturbed by this Gobby, always irritatingly at the ready to amend the appalling health habits on show down The Local felt she must warn him:
"I had to go to the clinic last time that happened to me..."
and seconded by Rick Francis on also being similarly afflicted:
"That sounds like a really bad infection on the willie."
Tubthumper exclaimed,
"This is weird. I'm Cheesy Chicken Dunkin. Could have sworn that's available at Barton Grill!!"
To which Sven provided some sage advice (which, incidentally, is not a garnish),
"They are all from the Barton Grill menu, they are subliminal messages to encourage sales."
Ginger Orphan Child was horrified at the subversive tactics used by the aforementioned establishment protesting:
"I'm never coming to Barton again if people there are feasting on Snickle Wafflebrains from the local take-out!!!"
At this juncture the rest of The Regulars could only marvel that the target customer group of Barton Grill could be considered to have enough cerebral function to merit attempted brainwashing when Billy Idle, who, of all The Regulars would be the first to go weak at the mere sniff of the dustbins outside Barton Grill, joined in the intellectual debate:
"I was Sneezy Pottydoodle, not sure if that's food but do think it was a character in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory?"
However Gobby soon corrected him on that score:
"No, that's what Zig & Zag were smeared in last time I popped round to see Pocahontas. I was especially delighted, on leaving, when one of them informed me he wanted to give me 'a squeeze' "
Pocahontas, defending her angelic brood, felt the need for retalliation:
"Well I'm Snickle DippinDoodle. And why, may I ask, Gobby, have you not put your new name in ahhh?? Maybe for the reason your name is Dorfus ChuckletushNow that most certainly does not sound like a food, more one of the Dwarfs from Snow White!"
Before she was even able to defend this accusation a surprise counter attack came from Tattoo:
"Dorf the dwarf. Ha ha."
Surely a quite unbelievable approach from he who can only be described as the most challenged in stature of all The Regulars (see attached photo for proof!), to which Gobby pointed out:
"POT, KETTLE, BLACK!!"
and then was on somewhat of a roll:
"BLACK! BLACK! BLACK! BLACK! BLACK! BLACK!"
Luckily, before all manner of lawsuits could be issued Hamish's Tourettes kicked in and saved the day:
"How apt is this! I'm Snickle Pottyboob!"
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