December 2006

Animal Farm
Having been married to Sven, The Local's token European for some time It is true to say that Gobby would consider herself no stranger to bizarre requests.
However, on arriving at work one morning even she was at a loss as to how to deal with the follwing email:
"Is it possible for me to take a leave for two-week during the Feburary? I will get the permission from my school of history, and my tutor thinks it is possible for me to take a leave during the beginning of the term and return to CHina, since I have a serious homesick. Meanwhile, next year is pig year, as you know, my father is a 'pig', and he whishes his daughter can be back, and he tried to persuade me"
Highly perturbed Gobby turned, as always in an hour of need (and trying to forgot the time they tried to electrocute her help her snap out of it) to the rest of The Regulars for advice.
Sven wasted no time in formulating a response:
"It has given me a lot of new ideas, currently I am working on the following draft...could either of you help... Dear boss, My wife is a 'monkey', could I please go home, because I miss her monkey tricks very much. I think I get permission from personnel. (I will be sending the same e-mail to personnel stating that I think I will be getting permission from my boss, the old father vs mother trick)".
To which Gobby felt the need to remind him that surely he was mistaken as it was well known that she was a dog.
Rick Francis too seized the opportunity to address the situation,
"Just asked my boss if I can go home and see the Boar. He said that if she'sthat much of a boar I might as well stay here.He's a SnakeSee you later,The Dragon"
Which all left Gobby feeling even less prepared to deal with the aforementioned and contemplating the difficulties to face in life in the unfortunate situation when one's father is a pig...

Navigation
It was always, perhaps, going to be an overly ambitious project when The Regulars decided to visit pastures new (and out of the Shire) two nights in a row one weekend...
Initially, appearances were deceptive and The Regulars were lured into a false sense of security and incredulity to find that Billy Idle had actually remembered to organise transport.
However, on boarding said transport the euphoria was only to be short-lived. Although unused to the taxi as a means of conveyance The Regulars had been led to believe that the standard procedure was that they would state the desired destination to which they would then be conveyed. They were, understandably taken aback when, having stated the name and street of the destination establishment they were then asked if they knew where this was.
Panic broke out with much wailing a gnashing of teeth and a sense of impending doom.
Moreover, just as it seemed all was not lost as Billy remembered he had the necessary directions safe at home in Barton The Regulars then realised the true severity of their predicament when their driver for the evening also needed guiding to this abode especially when Sven, Barton's token foreigner demonstrated superior local knowledge on having to intervene to prevent severely overshooting the cul-de-sac in question and leaving The Regulars struggling to comprehend with which part of 'next right' the driver had had difficulty.
Just as it appeared things could not become more hopeless the rest of The Regulars waited helplessly whilst it came to light that no one in the premier taxi company understood the crucial nature of being able to reach a desired destination and Billy was no longer in possession of directions after an uncharacteristic and untimely urge to 'tidy up'.
In desperation The Regulars set off over the bridge on a northerly compass bearing.
Clutching at straws Gobby enquired as to whether Billy might know the destination postcode but had to avert her eyes from the scathing glare he returned and the rebuke as to the fact he had felt sufficiently prepared with street name and area. At this precise juncture, just as Sven mused as to what the device could be attached to the windscreen, on hearing Billy, the driver emerged from his hitherto catatonic state, turned on the satellite navigation, typed in the street name and The Regulars, in stunned silence were talked through step by step to their destination.
It was only at this point, after such a train of event and emotionally draining journey that The Regulars remembered the purpose of the evening was to actually see a band and not simply to test their navigation and survival skills.