After moving house Pocahontas was helping Rick Francis set up his computer. At the appropriate
point in the process she told him that he would now have to enter a
password, something he could remember easily as he would have to use it
each time he logged on.
Rick was in a rather amorous mood & figured he would try for the
shock effect to bring this to Pocahontas' attention. When the Computer asked
him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to her that he
was keying in......
....P....... E....... N....... I........ S..............
She fell off the chair laughing when the computer replied,
**** PASSWORD REJECTED.
NOT LONG ENOUGH ***
Saturday Night at the Movies...
As the week dragged wearily on, reviewing his targets, Rick Francis, the work-life balance guru of The Regulars, was horrified to see how little hard work avoidance had been achieved and immediately placed The Local on a heightened state of alert and brought contingency measures into play.
In no time at all The Regulars had abandoned all semblance of labour and were merrily whiling away the hours in search of the crucial:
"Which famous movie are you?" http://similarminds.com/movie.html
Not only did this decimate the remaining hours of toil and seriously reduce productivity across all sectors but also, somewhat surprisingly, the ensuing answers were indeed revealing if not even Freudian in their accuracy:
Tubthumper: I'm an Easy Rider, apparently. I just want to maintain a calm, cool, andcomfortable environment. Possibly the most accurate test so far?
Rick Francis: I'm Sunset Boulevard, I crave fame and want to be liked by everyone.
Buyergirl: I am Mr Smith goes to Washington (Never heard of it) Determining and doing the right thing is the foundation of my personality! Tattoo: I am Platoon. Strong on the battlefield and, preserve ones security. (He was, after all famed for an inordinate amount of fighting in his youth).
Pocahontas: Well I am Raiders of the Lost Ark. I live for adventure, fortune-hunting, and danger.Adding, "Yeah right I don't do adventures, and hunting yeah I do when my child has not got a nappy on and does a smelly one on the floor, which yeah I suppose is very dangerous."
to which the rest of The Regulars agreed was far more adventurous and dangerous than they could cope with...
Hamish: Didn't need to do the test as The Regulars already knew it could only come out as 'Gone with the Wind'.
However, the fun and frivolity was brutally cut short when Gobby, on receiving her decision of:
"You are The Godfather. You are all about power and control, living by the mafia code"
declared that it was obviously all a load of complete rubbish if not, indeed lunacy and that they weren't playing anymore!
Technomuppet
The Regulars eagerly read an email promising excitement of unimaginable magnitude from Hamish that they were on the edge of their work (obviously some degree of imagination needed in that application of that word to the scenario) chairs as they waited for the attachment.
Indeed, from the harshness of Hamish's instruction none of them would have dared to take even the slightest peek before thoroughly digesting the text:
READ THE TEXT FIRSTTired of getting stuck in slow moving traffic?Want to have your own lane on the Motorway?Simple, tie these balloons to your car. Belt it down the M180 (or any otherroad you wish to drive fast on) and watch other car drivers freak out andsimply get out of your way!
When you get stopped by the police, tell them you thought they were real!If you are a BMW or Volvo driver, do the same but just don't bother withthe balloons - the drag will slow you down.(See attached file: balloons.jpg)
There comes a time when, if even Billy Idle sees fit to drag himself from his sickbed (the bed was sick of him, by the way, not, as one would normally expect, the other way round) to instruct Hamish, to guide him into the future and to witness a technological miracle unfurl, that the unfathomable lack of gratitude on Hamish's part to fail to follow by example and not to heed such an altruistic gesture truly pushed the understanding and normally gentlest of nature of The Regulars to the very edge.
It was at this point that Gobby felt it was her turn to take over as Hamish's mentor and further guide him with the words:
So where are the f**king balloons!?!?!?
Technomuppet!!!!
This somehow gave Billy the strength to face Hamish once more, appealing to the aforementioned afflicted side of his character (see many Barton Lives Tourette's references):
Ficking Tecno-muppet
Order was only restored by the saintly nature (and the fact that he is more skilled at hard work avoidance than the rest of The Regulars put together) of Rick Francis who finally deigned to offer an olive branch:
"Just cos you're my friend, Hamish, I'll send the picture for you to save anymore stick."
Priceless
On distribution of the latest photos The Regulars could only sympathise with Tattoo's best attempts to pull on holiday...
Too much time on your hands....
It has always been said that tolerance, understanding, altruism and compassion for their fellow man have always been the doctrine by which The Regulars eke out their ascetic existence, being thankful for every day by which they are continued to be allowed to shuffle their way through this mortal coil.
However, all this taken into consideration, there comes a breaking point in everyone, no matter how flawless an existence they lead, and especially hard to bear when brought on by one of their own flock deemed to be shuffling his way in excess even by their own pious standards.
Indeed, even the best of The Regulars and the most staunch devotees of Hard Work Avoidance were finding it hard to keep their heads above water and their eyes in the back of their heads when it came to drowning in the sea of seemingly randomly generated emails causing their inboxes to floweth over and not receiving an official warning from their respective workplaces (except the Lady of Shallott, whose inbox was already full of potatoes rather than spam).
It was at this point that The Regulars felt the need to remind Tattoo that his Deathclock was ticking, (see Barton Lives: Bad News October 2006) and, indeed, would be ticking all the quicker if he kept up this level of bombardment.
In desperation Gobby searched high and low to find alternative means of recreation for the aforementioned afflicted in which he may find some level of solace or see the error of his ways:
http://zed1.com/journalized/archives/2003/04/13/too-much-time-on-your-hands/
http://vowe.net/archives/003812.html
http://www.rpi.edu/~kuurem/toomuchtime.html
http://dubberley.com/archives/000297.html
http://www.jibjab.com/view/52341
http://oneforjc.blogspot.com/2007/07/too-much-time-on-your-hands.html
http://journals.aol.com/johnmscalzi/bytheway/entries/2006/10/11/the-next-time-someone-suggests-you-have-too-much-time-on-your-hands-show-them-this/6597
The rest of The Regulars, who could only pray and dream of reaching Gobby’s sanctimonious and virtuous echelons of tolerance added:
GO BACK TO FUCKING WORK!!!!
Do it Yourself (or not!)
With his new found love of the library and unerringly selfless nature, Rick Francis took it upon himself to select books that he felt the rest of The Regulars truly could not live without, recommending the following:
"One for you, Billy?"
To which Billy Idle enthusiastically retorted,
"Indeed. And Gobby has a similar book called "You Do It Instead."
To which Gobby, slightly less enthusiastically, pointed out that she now felt in need of the next in the series: "Why Am I Doing This To Myself?!"
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