At another magnificently triumphant quiz night Rick Francis's spelling failed him on the infectious disease eradicated from the British Isles in the 1980s.Luckily Billy Idle returned from the bar to help Rick in his hour of need filling in the rest of the word for him with the spelling of that well known Irish skin disease 'leprechaun'.
Much squabbling ensued; quelled only when the correct answer of Smallpox was announced.
The Tim Tam Slam!!
Finally the true Tim Tams were successfully smuggled to The Local through international customs courtesy of Rick Francis's nephew from down under.
The Regulars set about performing the long-awaited TIM TAM SLAM as follows:
The Tim Tam Slam is the practice of drinking a beverage by sucking it through a Tim Tam, an Australian chocolate-covered biscuit. The practice is done by sucking through a Tim Tam with both ends bitten off. According to the Toxic Custard guide to Australia, this procedure is done as follows:
Prepare a cup of tea (or other hot or cold drink)
Remove the Tim Tam from the packet
Bite a small section off two diagonally opposite corners
Dip one corner into the drink
Suck on the other corner, which will mix the drink with little pieces of the biscuit
When the Tim Tam begins to fall apart in your hand, eat the whole biscuit
Obtain another Tim Tam from the packet and return to step 3
Source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tim_Tam_Slam
After an intensive search of The Local for at least 3 or 4 seconds The Regulars were unable to find a hot drink of any description but falling back on their finely honed survival skills did find several pints of beer which would suffice.
Hilarious fun and great success was had all round although one unfortunate Tim Tam did almost meet a decidedly sticky end in Hamish's Guiness...
Train of thought
Picture the scene:
Mary Poppins started work at 6am this morning, so Tattoo had to get the train to work. He boards the train at Barton for the two mile journey to NewHolland. At New Holland he stands up to get off the train, the train stops, but the doors don't open. After franticly trying to open the doors, the train sets off again with him locked inside.
He complains to the Conductor only to be told that the doors are jammed and they have to go to Grimsby where a engineer will meet the train andfree the doors. At the point Tattoo gets his hair off (well he would have if he had any left)and calls the Conductor a stupid wan**er.
The Driver then decides that the train will stop at Goxhill and the engineer will drive over
and meet them there.After the doors are open, Tattoo is then left at Goxhill waiting for the return train to take
him back to New Holland.
He is then asked to pay the single fare from Goxhill back to New Holland. The air is still blue
by the train pulls into New Holland where the conductor seems relieved to escape with his life
rather than the fare and Tattoo alights lucky to have only been trapped in a train compartment
and not a cell.It has to be said that the same week Sven and Gobby, experienced travellers made it to real
Holland and back with less trouble than it took to get to new Holland although Tattoo did still
arrive at work at a time that Billy Idle would consider early.
More Superheroes!
It would seem, spurred on by a revision high, that STUDYBOY feels he has become invincible and that just the one super alter ego can no longer suffice. Indeed, after the production of a highbrow catalogue in The Local on Friday night, should he be able to squeeze his manly physique into a phone box STUDYBOY believes he can metamorphosise into:
Wait for it:
SUPERSHAG!!!
Superheroes!
Against all the odds the mounting pressure finally seems to be working to such an extent that Billy Idle may actually, albeit temporarily, be adopting the alter ego of the Superhero "STUDYBOY"!!!
Spurred on by Gobby and the invaluable aid of Billy's colleague and also Superhero - "BUYERGIRL" there does seem to be progress on the revision front...
Every morning BUYERGIRL reviews STUDYBOY'S revision efforts and adherence to the Revision Plan. If all has gone to plan he receives a Gold Star to stick on his progress chart (see below) and is allowed a bacon butty. However BUYERGIRL reminds him of the threat:
"any deviation from this and all bacon butties, burgers or other equally unhealthy food will be banned for the duration!! "
Sven, in an attempt to spur STUDYBOY on added:
"They should be banned from STUDYBOY anyway, because apparently fish and nuts are best for your brain." "STUDYBOY, what about some nice cod liver oil instead of your butty and then for lunch some walnut salad, yum, yum." It is best to remember at this point that Sven is 'European'.
Friday was not such a good day as STUDYBOY only managed to produce 2 pages of notes to show BUYERGIRL and only received a green, not a gold star. He tried to worm his way out of this but BUYERGIRL stood her ground:
"He's trying to trade it for a gold one. If he brings more notes next week. Have told him it's non nogotiable."
Although she has relented to some extent reducing his tea making durties to allow for extra revision.
A far superior revision plan (see below) that Billy wrote (well, dictated, writing is an effort for one so idle) is now proudly on display down The Local with Den and Angie under strict instructions not to allow any deviation from this.
So cowed by the pressure, when Billy realised he had made an error on the plan and would like to swap one study and pub night he was reduced to begging for permission from Gobby:
"Probably won’t see you tonight – no room for The Local in this weekend’s schedule – unless Gobby lets me swap this Friday – for next Thursday, seeing as She is away and I would therefore be left on my own. I know which night I would rather go out………But as Angie is under orders not to serve me if it’s not on the plan then it needs full approval – what do you say??"
and getting Rick Francis to beg with him.
"I think it is important that STUDYBOY attends the pub tonight. Knowing howmotivated he is about passing this exam, and knowing the ridicule he WILLreceive if he should fail, then I for one trust him to do a clean swap with next Thursday."
Gobby tried hard to ignore the swelling feelings of sadistic pleasure she got from this...
No comments:
Post a Comment