Having been untimely roused at 5am to deposit Sven on this week's flight to the Vaterland Gobby fretted terribly as usual until she was aware of his safe transit.
Indeed, after rolling back into bed and awakening at the crack of noon she was somewhat perturbed to find the following waiting text message:
"Have landed but not allowed to leave the plane. The Captain has informed us the German police won't let us off because there are criminals on board."
Highly perturbed by this Gobby was relieved when Sven informed her:
"They have let me go. Fortunately was at front of plane so did not see how criminals were treated."
The moral of the story being never trust airport security in 'The Sticks' but there is a lot to be said for frequent flyer loyalty cards and priority seating.
Global Issues
As previously mentioned never let it be said that a metropolis and fulcrum of the 21st century such as Barton could be accused of being in 'The Sticks'.
Indeed, whilst driving home one evening Bill Idle was delighted to find that the good residents of Barton were adressing Global Warming and the global finite energy crisis in one fell swoop:
Success & Failure
After Billy Idle finally sat his exam (well, perhaps it may be better to never say finally when Billy and exams collide in the same sentence) and The Regulars wait with bated breath for the results (again) it can only be said that Rick Francis went that extra mile in encouragement advising:
"Don't let this be you, Billy!"
Meanwhile, The Regulars could only marvel as to how Billy had not only managed to study so hard but to also find the time and energy to maintain his fabulous physique.
Can you hear me now?
The Regulars waited patiently at quiz night during the customary 15 minutes of trauma of the non-functioning microphone and ensuing consternation throughout the pub at actually not being able to hear the quiz questions for a legitimate reason rather than habitually and ritually talking over each one.
As Gobby mused over the fact that such problems could potentially be alleviated should someone pay any heed to them during the other 6 1/2 days and nights throughout the week as opposed to of the Groundhog Day-esque surprise each Thursday between 9.30 - 9.45 a sudden and unexpected solution came as if by divine intervention when some guardian angel lurking in a corner of The local saw fit to turn the microphone on.
Neighbourhood Watch
The Regulars take pride in always looking out for each other and what with Gobby working away and Sven disappearing each week allegedly doing the same Rick Francis was more than ready to protect their property from a potential intruder.
The ensuing email exchange (during another of those recurring work avoidance periods) threw light on the sequence of events as Rick admitted,
"Gobby, Sven,On my way to work this morning, I noticed a car outside your house andyour gate open. On closer inspection I saw a man coming out of your house.Will you please apologise to your window fitter and tell him I hope herecovers soon.P.S. Your bill might have just doubled."
To which a concerned Sven replied,
"I hope you didn't hit him unconscious before calling the police!"
Soon to be reassured by Rick,
"If it's any consolation, it was a piece of soft wood, not hard wood. I didrip your drainpipe off the wall to hit him with, but it was too heavy."
Thus ensued the following exchange,
"Why didn't you take some roof tiles from the garage, whilst you were at it,they are much lighter and if you throw them you don't have to get near tohim...and plenty of them as well"
"Aah! Didn't think of that."
"I can understand ... the adrenaline rush, the fight or flight instinct, thepalpitating heart, the sweaty hands.... the brown underwear .... I wouldhave probably forgotten too..."
However, the point of too much information may have been reached when Rick replied,
"That just sounds like a normal night sat at my computer"
Needless to say, Gobby and Sven returned that week to find their house intact and without a single new window.
Tickets
To kiss and make up Tattoo, Rick Francis and Pocahontas all arranged to go and see the rugby together this time complete with the rest of The Regulars in the discomfort of Hull without an executive box in sight.
To this end the happy group departed and all seemed well until Jordan and Gobby, deigned too stupid to follow such a complex sporting event following their poor show during the World Cup and compelled to stay behind in The Local, were appalled to find Pocahontas, token squaw of the group, left behind in the ladies toilets.
On marching her to the bus stop they did ask The Regulars if they would have noticed her missing until they realised they had one ticket spare.
This brought a smile to the otherwise perpetually sour face of landlord Den as he recalled an event where Tweety, The Local's resident liar had organised a trip to see the cricket for a large group of The Regulars. On distributing 30 tickets he was surprised to find one ticket spare but very pleased with himself in making a fast buck selling it to a ticket tout.
This was until he realised this had actually been his ticket all along and had to buy it back at twice the price.
Perhaps even he would have trouble lying his way out of that one...
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