No sooner had the episode been released when Gobby received further communication:
Gobby, Do I not get a mention in your Barton Lives thing???? If you are struggling with a nickname I think BIGCOCK would be most accurate! Evil Twin's adoring husband.
To which Gobby, rolling her eyes, had to reiterate that the objective was not actually to have Barton Lives banned again the very day it had been restored...
Having been reliably informed that Barton Lives had a new fan Gobby did her best as always to welcome an addition to the faithful flock.
So much so she even went so far as to inform said new fan of her forthcoming inclusion in the proceedings:
A WARNING that you are soon to make your debut appearance on Barton Lives.
It is amazing, however how the merest whiff of fame and fortune can alter a seemingly composed, self-effacing and modest person and person:
"WHAT?????? Have you spoken to my agent? I demand my own dressing room and a lifetime's supply of beetroot."
It would seem that such an attitude only escalated on observing her debut performance amongst The Regulars,
EVILTWIN???? I sound like an extra from the Amityville Horror. thanks!! adding:
IT'S NOT EVEN AN ANAGRAM OF
'NICE TITS'....
To which Gobby took great delight in pointing out that Evil Twin had now been fully welcomed into the fold as she had succumbed, been subliminally drawn in as with all the others and was now unbeknown to herself writing the next episode
Gobby was delighted on the return of Barton Lives but felt the need to probe deeper into its sudden disappearance after further correspondence from the powers that be:
Hello Barton_Lives,Thank you for writing back to Windows Live Spaces Customer Support. We have investigated your Space, Barton-Lives, and found it to be in violation of the Windows Live Spaces Code of Conduct for containing images of adult content. However, we will give you another chance to remove these inappropriate materials within 48 hours.Space Name: Barton-LivesSpace URL: http://barton-lives.spaces.live.com//t_blank Photo Album: Barton Lives Photo Name: Inappropriate email.jpgSincerely,
YohannWindows Live Spaces Customer Support
On closer inspection it became clear that the much maligned "Billy’s Belly" had, despite allegations, not been the route cause of the deletion of the site which Gobby felt compelled to point out:
BILLY'S BELLY, MY ARSE!!!
IT WAS YOU, RICK, WITH YOUR 'CRACK' EMAIL THAT GOT US BANNED, COMPOUNDED BY YOU, TATTOO BY SENDING IT TO YOURSELF, GETTING BANNED AND TURNING IT INTO A STORY!!!!!!
FORGIVENESS MAY COST YOU BOTH A BEER DOWN ‘THE LOCAL’ AND START PRAYING IT GETS REINSTATED!!!
Objecting somewhat to the slander of his otherwise untarnished reputation Tattoo felt Gobby needed to be reminded of a few home truths:
BILLYS BELLY, YOUR ARSE!
Seen Billys belly on Barton lives, not your arse, Gobby.
Mind you, it has been on display down at ‘The Local’ for all to view, plus skidmarks.
Unfortunately, nobody got a photograph but, Robbin’ Get, The Landlord parted with a quid without coughing, spluttering, or batting an eye lid.
Now that was well worth the CRACK.
If you know what we mean.
Tattoo (without a centre parting) or skidmarks.
At this point, Gobby’s adopted Ginger Child became concerned for the welfare of his increasingly more stressed adoptive mother (and his inheritance) and tried to assuage the situation with what he clearly thought was helpful advice:
"Does anyone else want to tell Gobby it's only a site..."
To which Buyergirl tried to tell him the error of his ways:
"You can if you think you’re brave enough!!!"
Albeit far too late as this had already reached Gobby, at the computer day and night in her Barton Lives vigil:
"How could you?!?!!?!? I think, after that, only fair to say I think it has replaced you as my baby!!!!!!!!!!! Spawn of the devil child..."
Attempts to redeem himself and regain any motherly love with the offering:
"But it has gone and left you feeling empty, whereas I am still here…"
Clearly fell on deaf ears:
"Small ginger comfort…"
It was at this point that EvilTwin, Barton Lives newest fan could contain herself no more without joining in the fracas:
"sod the blog just carry on this pantomime!!! xxx"
Closely followed by Hamish, who had just put his weekly shilling in the information superhighway meter and had much to say with regard to the matter:
"Hello fellow Barton Lives(and Ginger Child, ,who really needs to get a life)
Gutted to find that yet again, anything that makes us laugh or enjoy this dictatorship life we lead has been banned.
After all that hard work Gobby has put into Barton Lives,a total ficking muppet called Yohann and his moron team of stool lickers has decided its offensive. A word of advice, Yohann, next time you stick your finger up your arse, make sure you've been chopping hot chillies.
Best regards, Hamish."
Gobby finally concluded that Barton Lives had returned but left a salutary warning:
It appears to be back... for now... unless the evil villain, Rick Francis and his malevolent diminutive sidekick, Tattoo can wreak further havoc...
Still NOT BITTER!
It was pleasing to see that Pocahontas did truly realise that friendship was more important than the insignificant trifles of Rugby League.
So much so that, anticipating Billy Idle's return from the Leeds v Wigan match, she made sure a seat was specially reserved for him in 'Loser's Corner', complete with a tin of Uncle Joe's Mintballs - "The only good things to come out of Wigan!!"
The Return!!
As the distress and public outcry over the demise of Barton Lives mounted Gobby tried every available method to ensure its speedy return:
I have reported the demise of Barton Lives. Shouldn't take them long to get round to my ticket number. Glad I'm not queuing at the deli counter...
Thank you for contacting Windows Live Spaces
E-mail Support
Thank you for submitting your issue to Support.
Your Support Ticket Number: 1046263780
As Rick Francis helpfully pointed out:
"Can you imagine how thin Billy would be by the time you got served?"
To which Gobby had to admit that Billy’s desire to lose weight was proving particularly effective, especially down The Local:"Just don't! And you should have seen Tubthumper getting the lip on last night when Fatboy got peanuts and he didn't..."
As luck would have it, it appeared not to be such a high-pressure morning down the rubber plant, proved by the fact that Tubthumper had just passed on: "Things to do with crisp packets":http:///and Rick was able to speedily assess the situation and report back:
Update:
9:22am and Tubthumper has got his lips around a big slice of Lemon Pie.
11:35 Add a comment Send a message Permalink Trackbacks (0) Blog it
Code of Conduct
On reading the code of conduct Gobby was at a loss as to any reason why the original Barton lives may have been deleted, except for a few minor points in red. Still, good to see none of The Regulars had violated any ‘intellectual property’.
Prohibited Uses
Violations of the Windows Live Spaces Code of Conduct may result in the termination of access to Windows Live Spaces services or deletion of content without notice.
You will not upload, post, transmit, transfer, disseminate, distribute, or facilitate distribution of any content, including text, images, sound, video, data, information, or software, that:
incites, advocates, or expresses pornography, obscenity, vulgarity, profanity, hatred, bigotry, racism, or gratuitous violence. misrepresents the source of anything you post, including impersonation of another individual or entity. provides or create links to external sites that violate this Code of Conduct. is intended to harm or exploit minors in any way. is designed to solicit, or collect personally identifiable information of any minor (anyone under 18 years old), including, but not limited to: name, email address, home address, phone number, or the name of their school. invades anyone's privacy by attempting to harvest, collect, store, or publish private or personally identifiable information, such as passwords, account information, credit card numbers, addresses, or other contact information without their foreknowledge and willing consent. is illegal or violates any local and national laws that apply to your location; including but not limited to child pornography, illegal drugs, copyright material and intellectual property not belonging to you. is intended to threaten, stalk, defame, defraud, degrade, victimize, or intimidate an individual or group of individuals for any reason; including on the basis of age, gender, disability, ethnicity, sexual orientation, race, or religion; or to incite or encourage any one else to do so. intends to harm or disrupt another user's computer or would allow others to illegally access software or bypass security on Web sites, or servers, including but not limited to spamming. attempts to impersonate a Microsoft employee, agent, manager, host, another user, or any other person though any means.
As Rick Francis pointed out:
"Amazing, All the swearing, racist remarks, and nudity that has been put on Barton Lives, but soon as you put a picture of Billy's belly on there the site get's shut down."
To which Gobby was forced to admit that it was also amazing that the bunk on the ferry had
been able to withstand it:
Not Bitter!!
The Regulars enjoyed a marvellous day out at the rugby on Saturday. In fact, so much do they value the pleasure of each other’s company, that it barely mattered that the home team did not actually win…
Sent: Monday, October 01, 2007 8:55 PM
Subject: Wigan Warriors - The Official Website
Here you are Billy.
Some useful information for you on this link. Directions to Headingley on Friday.
Like to keep you in the loop, Pocahontas.
Baldster.
http://www.wiganwarriors.com/Fixture_full.asp?type=next
Subject: Re: Wigan Warriors - The Official Website
Cheers, Tattoo,
Tickets ordered and on the way. Presume directions on the site are from Wigan to Headingly so may not be too useful but will have a look anyway. Don't want to be getting lost and missing all those lovely Wigan tries!!
Up The Mighty Wigan........
Cherry and white Billy....
Which Pocahontas, Hull FC’s loyalist fan seemed to take in good sprits and magnanimous in defeat:
NOT BITTER AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ALTHOUGH IF YOU BOTH DON'T SHUT YOUR GOBS I MAY JUST HAVE TO MAKE YOU BOTH WEAR THE OLD FAITHFUL'S AWAY SHIRT!!!!!!
BLACK & BLUE
BUT AS I SAID NOT BITTER
ALTHOUGH I HAVE WATCHED THE GAME SEVERAL TIMES AND THE SO CALLED MIGHTY WIGAN WAS, WELL VERY VERYVERY LUCKY, I STILL STAND BY WHAT I SAID ANOTHER 2 MINUTES ON THE CLOCK AND THE "MIGHTY WIGAN" WOULD HAVE BEEN MINCED MEAT!!!!!!!!
BUT PLEASE DO ENJOY THE GAME, BILLY, AS I WOULD HATE FOR YOU NOT TO.
KINDEST REGARDS
THE 100% OLD FAITHFUL FC FAN
NOT BITTER, NOT BITTER, NOT BITTER,
IF I TELL MYSELF ENOUGH, I MAY JUST START BELIEVING IT
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